Happiness...
Blogging was never an issue with me.. and yet, i look back at this blog today, and i suddenly realize i haven't been too regular, certainly not as regular as i was a year ago. And i set out wondering why. Why is it so hard for me to come up with something to write when there's so much going on in my head?
And then there's the friend who read my blog and asked me why / how i can be so open, why i'm willing to let my deepest fears and personal life transpire in a web page. I think, in a way, that made me more conscious of what i write.. besides, what i write about has changed too. Sometimes, even i can spot the faintly pessimistic outlook peeping out from between the lines. Lets face it, i'm not happy-go-lucky anymore. And by the way, friend who said i reveal too much - i dont. This is me, i talk, i write, i reveal as much as i think fit. I disguise the parts i wish not to, and the only people who get the message, are the ones who really do know whats going on in my life. Which narrows it down to about one or two, in most situations.
And back to the topic at hand.. i decided to write, because i stumbled upon this:
You can outdistance that which is running after you,
but not what is running inside you"
Fits to a tee. Back to the thing running inside - what do i do, then? If i run, it runs with me. If i stop, it still runs within me. How do i get rid of something like that? How long do i let myself believe that i havent visited certain parts of hyderabad (that used to be my favourite hangouts) in almost two weeks of being here, simply for lack of opportunity? How much longer do i attribute something that actually is fear, to self-control? How do you deal with something that cannot be spoken about? And how do you accept something so blatantly unjust as the verdict, simply because it has been passed, without so much as an attempt to put up a fight and honor yourself?
Theres a thin line between giving up and accepting something for what it is. I'm still confused about what i'm doing, and if it turns out to be the former, this is by no means the end.
Blogging was never an issue with me.. and yet, i look back at this blog today, and i suddenly realize i haven't been too regular, certainly not as regular as i was a year ago. And i set out wondering why. Why is it so hard for me to come up with something to write when there's so much going on in my head?
And then there's the friend who read my blog and asked me why / how i can be so open, why i'm willing to let my deepest fears and personal life transpire in a web page. I think, in a way, that made me more conscious of what i write.. besides, what i write about has changed too. Sometimes, even i can spot the faintly pessimistic outlook peeping out from between the lines. Lets face it, i'm not happy-go-lucky anymore. And by the way, friend who said i reveal too much - i dont. This is me, i talk, i write, i reveal as much as i think fit. I disguise the parts i wish not to, and the only people who get the message, are the ones who really do know whats going on in my life. Which narrows it down to about one or two, in most situations.
And back to the topic at hand.. i decided to write, because i stumbled upon this:
You can outdistance that which is running after you,
but not what is running inside you"
Fits to a tee. Back to the thing running inside - what do i do, then? If i run, it runs with me. If i stop, it still runs within me. How do i get rid of something like that? How long do i let myself believe that i havent visited certain parts of hyderabad (that used to be my favourite hangouts) in almost two weeks of being here, simply for lack of opportunity? How much longer do i attribute something that actually is fear, to self-control? How do you deal with something that cannot be spoken about? And how do you accept something so blatantly unjust as the verdict, simply because it has been passed, without so much as an attempt to put up a fight and honor yourself?
Theres a thin line between giving up and accepting something for what it is. I'm still confused about what i'm doing, and if it turns out to be the former, this is by no means the end.
